According to M. Scott Peck, love is too deep to be understood within the framework of words.  Love has something to do with mystery.  One cannot exhaust its meaning.  But in today’s secular mind-set, love is confined within the domains of feelings or emotions.  Love has something to do with romance, attraction or sex.  I asked some friends and acquaintances about love and the answers varied according to their perspective and what they believe and hold true.  Obviously, relativity is prevalent in the common secular understanding of love.  For most people, love is a subject that always comes with interest; a topic too strong to resist that’s why I never had a difficulty finding a respondent for the “Am I in love?” self-analysis test.

My respondent’s initial reaction to the questions was one of rationalization.  He never thought that the analysis was deep and probing.  It revealed his value system and his perspective of love.  He described it as an “AHA!” experience for it enabled him to really look into himself and evaluate his feelings and thoughts about his present romantic relationships.  My respondent is in his mid twenties.  He has a girlfriend but at the same time meeting other girls whenever opportunity provides.  He reasoned that doing so would allow him to gauge whether he is really in love with his girlfriend.  He is sort of looking for the “right” partner that is to say that he is not yet sure of his present relationship.  Before giving him the test, I asked him about his love-life and he told me that he is looking for somebody who can take care of him, satisfy his needs and meet his expectations.  He wants to settle with a person whom he can rely on and turn to for support in whatever aspect of life. From this point of view it occurred to me that there is a real need to transform the popular secular belief about love or loving.  In a society with materialistic orientation, it is very common that “I” is the center of every relationship.  The “I” takes the spotlight.  During the conversation, I controlled myself from giving advices or opinions concerning his perspective on love and relationship.  I might end up sermonizing.  I just listened and allowed my respondent to express what he felt.  I hope that the self-analysis test would serve as an eye opener for him.  However, I gave him a copy of the test for him to ponder on from time to time. 

To gauge whether a person is in love or not based on today’s popular secular point of view is quite easy.  It appears that majority of today’s youth or young adults are mostly focused on the satisfaction of the self in terms of having a relationship.  Narcissism is prevalent in today’s culture.  I observed that majority of today’s young adults are jumping from one relationship to another, seeking for some form of satisfaction.  There is a great need for self-fulfillment and meaning .  I think this gesture is somehow an indication of interior emptiness.  In today’s trend, romance and relationship can be found in the internet or cyberspace.  Webcam to webcam interaction that leads to some kind of physical attraction that serves as a medium for finding “love”.  I wonder if one can find authentic love in this manner of relating.  Well, there are really exceptional few whom I have known to have found stable and fruitful relationships through this medium.  I was reading M. Scott Peck as a springboard for this reflection.  M. Scott Peck's new psychology of love is a real challenge for the secular mind-set.  It calls for a radical alteration of the society’s common understanding about love and loving.  Authentic love after all, is desiring the highest good of the person whom you loved without any condition. 

Our last discussion on Assessment & Intervention of Relationship Disorder was about Aging and I am inspired to write something about it.

Aging like all other biological changes  is part of the natural processes of life and people have different perspective about it.  It inspired and still inspiring science to discover ways and means to reverse its effects or delay its arrival.  For many, aging is a source of fear or insecurity because it limits one’s capacity to do things or makes the person vulnerable to the threats of life.  While science is concerned about aging and how to deal with it, our faith teaches that aging is a part of life where one reaches ripeness and has acquired wisdom from the vicissitudes of daily living.   I remember the scripture passage in Ecclesiastes that says “there is a time for everything under heaven.  A time to give birth and a time to die.”  Existentially speaking, aging presupposes death, yet behind this stark reality, aging has something beautiful to teach us. 

I find it meaningfull to reflect on aging as the twilight of life.  Twilight precedes evening time.  As evening of life approaches, twilight gives us the opportunity to reflect and gather our thoughts how far have we gone with our life.  At twilight, the sky is filled with subdued colors of orange, golden yellow, red, purple, gray and lavender.  These colors transform the horizon into beautiful scenery that adds drama to the setting sun.  In similar manner, aging adds depth and color to the remaining years of a person’s life.  Aging is an opportunity for quiet meditation and examination of the life spent in busy and exciting occupations of youthful years.  For me, aging is not something to be feared of but a time of gratitude to the Author of life for the many ways we were blessed and given the opportunities to learn and acquire wisdom through the ups and downs of life.

As a final requirement for my course on Assessment & Initial Intervention of Individual & Relationship Disorder, I joined a field trip at the National Center for Mental Health.  It was an opportunity to encounter people who are objects of our discussion in the classroom.  The first thing that caught my attention was the condition of the patients in the male ward.  The ventilation was poor.  I can smell the sweat and human odor in the air.  The lecturer-guide began to take his cue.  I purposedly slipped out of the crowd and focused my attention to the patients in the male ward.  I wanted to see and observe what was going on inside the ward.  I carefully observed their movements as they interact with each other.  Some watchers were there.  Some patients acted strangely, murmuring while lying, some were tied on their beds while others were walking here and there with blank looks.  I took the opportunity to chat with a staff and found out that majority of the cases are schizophrenia, some bipolars and mentally retarded ones.  As we passed through the corridor, I noticed a young lady in her early twenties, singing and reciting incoherent words.  She was restless.  In short, I saw people, young and old living in their own imaginary worlds.

Having seen these people in their pitiable state, I wonder how in the world do they come to this condition.  Perhaps their personal problem and concerns or maybe the circumstances in which they find themselves were too overwhelming for them to bear.  I felt pity for these people who gave up their sanity and living like moving objects who in one way or another lose some qualities of being a human person.  I also realized how inadequate the facilities and services our government is giving to the patients and the institution.  Seeing these people living a "sub-human" state, losing their sense of reality and connection to their families and the rest of the human community is what affected me most in this experience.

Those moments of encounter with the patients gave me a sense of awareness to the other side of the reality of our existential condition.  This strengthens my conviction about the fragility of the human psyche.  It made me think and feel the need for LOVE and COMPASSION in our human relationship.  I am inclined to believe that somewhere along the way, these individuals did not experience enough love and compassion as they carry their own “burden”.  Perhaps, they felt alone and uncared for or felt that they have nobody to turn to or to talk with about what’s going on inside them.

As a way of realization, I feel the invitation to do something for the welfare of others.  There is so much hurt in other peoples’ lives. I can speak from my own experience of hurts and burdens.  I have to do something to lessen the pains and loneliness that are pervading in our human community, however little.  Perhaps a gentle smile, a tap on the shoulder, a kind word of comfort, a warm hug, or an empathic listening to a friend's burden.  Spreading seeds of kindness and scattering sunshines need not be in heroic, extraordinary manner . Through this course in CEFAM I will be equipped to help myself and others in my own little ways, to listen and perhaps to “journey” with them as we move forward to our quest for meaning, joy, wholeness and healing.

Carlo Carretto, an Italian member of the Little Brothers of Jesus community once wrote in one of his books that one doesn't need to look for extraordinary things in order to find God and experience God's beauty and divinity, that the beauty of God is no secret.  You only have to look at a flower or watch a sunset.  Carretto is right.  We are surrounded by the breathtaking beauty and wonder of Divine Presence.  When we look at God's creation, we find ourselves confronted with so vast an energy that no limit can be imagined for it.  A look at Creation and the millions of truth secreted in the wonders of nature and the depths of humanity's own being provides the clearest indication of the scale of the power of the One who has created it; for the rich and complex order of being admits of no other explanation.  I am a nature lover, for this is an unfailing source of comfort for me and I am deeply convinced that the infinite power of God has no clearer proof than that furnished by the study and examination of the phenomena of the created universe and the multiple forms and colorations of nature that can never be fully described.

Four years ago, I had a chance to visit Italy.  The Italian landscape is so lovely that it made me think that maybe one of the many factors why Italy is blessed with so many saintly persons is because of the solemn presence of God as orchestrated in the loveliness of Italian countryside.  They are surrounded by rich array of God's beauty and divinity, which they are always reminded of.  The fields of golden ripe wheat, the meadows covered by multicolored blooms of springtime, the opulent display of rich colors of autumn and the emotional imagery of wintertime.  All these natural phenomena are filled with imprints of Divinity as if proclaiming loudly how great, how beautiful the Creator is.

I believe that the beauty and bounty of Creation enriches one's spirituality.  Spirituality, by the way, as mentioned by Matthew Fox, is a life-filled path, spirit-filled way of living.  Perhaps another way of putting in my own words is our aliveness in our participation with the interplay of events in our daily life as we perform our role in the big drama of Creation.  There is something very personal in me that was touched by these thoughts of Matthew Fox:

"A path has something personal about it; it implies choice or even mystery. To choose a path is to reject another.  A path is a meandering walkway – you do not rush or even drive down a pathway.  A path is not goal-oriented.  A path is the way itself, and every moment on it is a holy moment, a sacred seeing goes on there..."

These words bring an awareness of the path that I am treading at the moment.  I am referring to my present situation, which is way far from the original life-project that I engaged before.  At present, the uncertainties of the future are staring at me on this path.  I have the tendency to be goal-oriented and it seems that I cannot ascertain what this path is leading me to. But a part of me is still hoping… eager to reach the summit of this journey, to see myself one day celebrating my own personal victory.  The words of Matthew Fox seem to comfort me.  He mentioned willingness to learn and let go, the need to be emptied to be able to walk on the pathway of Spirituality.  How beautiful, how gentle is the way of Spirituality!  In my frantic effort to align myself this pathway, I run the risk of overlooking the holy moments, of forgetting that a sacred seeing must take place.  There’s a lot that I must learn in this journey.  I feel that this path is inviting me to move away from superficiality into authenticity; from being individualistic into communitarian; from the “outer” to the “inner” person; from self-centeredness to other-centeredness.  I realized that my life’s journey should bring me to awareness – that I am not alone in this path.  I am also sharing the pain and the struggle with all the others on the way, to those who like me, are also searching for meaning and purpose, for the Divine Presence, that shines within us.

I came across a book about "Being Stuck" by Shostrom and Montgomery and truly I can say it's a real eye opener.  Some points strike a familiar tune.  I can relate.  I can recognize parts of myself in the Striving and Critical polarity.  The Striving/strength polarity is the most that I am inclined to.  I grew up in an environment where being a good boy/son and achievements are highly esteemed.  Being the eldest son I was brought up to conform the standards of the family and the expectations of my grandparents, paternal and maternal relatives.  The pressures of being the eldest are sometimes overwhelming.  Like for example, that the eldest son should be responsible for the younger siblings that I should act as model for them, so on and so forth.  Unconsciously, striving to be good so as to cope up with the demands has been ingrained into my mind even during my tender years.  I remember that when my parents are away I have to act as mother and father to my younger siblings, do the household chores and look after their needs in the school or in the home.  I have grown into a mature person even as a young child.  My way of thinking was already ahead of the other children of my age.  From time to time I heard compliments from my uncles and aunts because of my being a "good son".   Some even compared me to my cousins and these even became a source of jealousy on their part.  Comparisons were a common topic during family affairs or gatherings.  Secretly, I was enjoying the praises I received from my relatives, which inspired me to keep up to their expectations.  I thought doing so would earn their respect and admiration.  It was good.   I felt accepted.  I grew up having this orientation and unknowingly this inclination became a stumbling block to my spiritual and emotional progress making me ‘stuck’ in my quest for growth.  I think the Striving Christian goes side by side with the Critical Christian.  I recall that when I joined a Catholic community way back in 1992, I became very dedicated to my ministry that silently I became critical to other members.  I often compared myself to them.  “If I can do this and that, why can’t them?” was my common predicament.  I always come on time, prepared in every meeting.  I was very active and busy doing works of mercy, social action and prayer meetings, so on and so forth.  Very goal-oriented and efficient.

In the article Healing Love (Shostrom and Montgomery), what seems to be an act of virtue or heroic deed can be a mask of a distorted view of oneself.  Later, as I progressed in my spiritual life in the community, I realized that most of my ‘being good’ attitudes are not authentic at all.  The inputs I received from CEFAM enabled me to learn more and recognize my own issues.  I take comfort in the knowledge that perfect love casts out fear (1 Jn 4:1).  I believe that only authentic love can freed the person from his/her own psycho-spiritual imprisonment.  Awareness of the authentic love at the core of one’s being moves the person by becoming cognizant of those crippling tendencies.  When this happens, I think the person ceases to live in the world of seeming and enters into the world of becoming.  Thus, actualizing the expressions of the four polarities experiencing the strength, weakness, anger and love in a healthy, appropriate manner.  I hope that I may be able to actualize these polarities in my quest for growth.  The process will not be easy and instantaneous but I am eager to see myself on the way.