this photo was taken when we were at the port of Dapitan.
Fourteen years ago, I recall that my father died a violent death. This stressful event made an enormous impact in my family affecting each individual member. It was lunchbreak in the office when my manager who happened to be my neighbor informed me about the event. The morning of that day (Feb. 1), I felt a strange feeling. I don't have the enthusiasm to talk, even to smile as it were a gloomy day for me. My father owned an automobile repair shop beside our house. He had a heated argument over a certain job contract with his customer several days before his death. According to my brother who witnessed the incident, my father was physically resisting the two men who were forcing him to enter their car. There was an attempt to abduct my father. To make a long story short, these men failed and shot my father instead. He was dead-on-the-spot inside his shop.
I arrived at the hospital with mixed emotions. As I entered the emergency room, I saw my mother in her indescribable sorrow. Her clothes were tainted with blood and my younger brothers were also there staring at the lifeless body of my father. I find it very hard to describe my feelings at that moment as if my emotions were totally snatched from my being. I was unable to cry. Questions like “Why this has to happen to my family?” “What am I going to do now?” or “What’s our future as a family going to be like?” things like these flooded my mind… Instead of grieving I occupied myself with practical things and logistics. We had a hard time recovering from that misfortune especially on the part of my mother and also the economic aspect of our family life. During that time I was living independently as I was renting my own pad. I took my mother with me and my brothers took refuge in my uncles for fear of the possible assaults from the associates of the suspects because two of their companions were caught by the police… It took us three years to settle the case in the court. The suspects were charged with murder and finally they paid the price of their violence but the effect was very devastating and even until now my mother is still silently suffering the emotional and psychological repercussions of that traumatic event.
The sudden death of my father is obviously one of the Unpredictable Horizontal Stressors of the family life cycle. It created an adverse domino effect in every aspect of our family life. My mother on the other hand was immobilized by the event. Obviously, the marital system collapsed and she found herself lonely and grieving. Such was her anxiety that every time when darkness starts to cover the horizon; she shivers with fear and appears panicky. The bloody imagery of the event seems to come alive within her. There I discovered that behind the seemingly strong image that she projected over the years, she is a frail woman, dependent to my father and has little tolerance for anxiety. This lasted for years. The family system has changed abruptly. The family business went down and eventually the shop was closed. Being the eldest, I have to be strong in all aspects as much as possible. I felt that I have to act as such even though inwardly I was also affected. Emotionally, my mother aligned with me and her prayer group for support. My only source of consolation during those hard times were prayer and faith. God was my source of comfort so to speak. Fears of sudden death, financial instability, future of my mother and my youngest sister are my dominant concerns at the moment. Still I was unable to grieve...
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