One very significant insight that caught my attention in one of my readings was the statement that says, “Counselors are persons first before they can be called as counselors.”  I strongly agree that as a person, one brings into the counseling process a variety of factors, personal attributes or characteristics that promote or stunt the welfare of both the client and the counselor.  As I read the article, it strengthens the idea that counseling is not an easy task.  I think it is a vocation to counsel people.  Counseling touches the deepest part of human interiority or psyche, a task as delicate and as sacred as the human person him/herself. 

As a counseling student, it causes me to examine my own issues in life.  I am prompted to ask “What strengths am I going to impart and weaknesses that may distract me from helping others?”  “Am I fit to be in the helping profession?”  I must admit that the readings somehow put me in a position to doubt my own capabilities or questioning my motives in this domain.   My original intention why am I into CEFAM is to find clarity in my self-doubts and to seek at least a morsel of relief for my own “aches” and “pains”.  Up to this point in my life, I am still seeking for it and yet I sense that counseling is a big leap for me and is stretching me like a rubber band.  I feel that a big challenge looms on the horizon for me.  The task is great and my resources are only few. 

To come to terms with my own beliefs and values, I need to learn to question it and be aware of where I am coming from.  To unlearn my own biases and prejudices is not an easy task for this has deeply ingrained in my personality and I am not even aware of it.  Anything that might hamper the therapeutic relationship between me, as a counselor and the counselee must be dealt with appropriately; a process that pushes me to go out from my comfort zone so to speak.  At the moment, I’m not yet convinced of my own competence.  I feel so inadequate to venture into the helping profession knowing that I, myself also need to be helped.  My anxiety is that I cannot yet picture myself counseling a married couple.  Marriage is beyond my experience though I can only speak from what I have experienced and witnessed from my own parents/family. 

The article explicitly suggests that a person must first know his/her motives or the dynamics of his/her personality that might influence the counseling process.  Openness and awareness, I believe are indispensable dispositions that unlock one’s way to be truly a helping person.  There are things that need to be unlearned, ideas or beliefs that need to be sifted and filtered with a discerning conscience and compassionate heart.  Counselors are persons first as it is mentioned.  For me this means knowing first my own personhood, who I am, what my values and convictions in life before I can attend to the world of the other.  I believe that exploring my own issues and knowing my own personal dynamics are prerequisites of a humane, fruitful encounter with others.

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The seminar on Christian Parenting for Peace and Justice was for me a very enriching and an eye-opening experience.  Starting from the lectures and activities and the very unique and inspiring testimonies from invited families, every session turned out to be very interesting and life-giving.  Even the celebration of the Eucharist was filled with joy and a sense of fellowship and sympathy for others.  The singing of the “Bayan Ko” evoked feelings and memories of the unforgettable “Edsa Revolution”. The families and couples who gave testimonies of their witnessing to the Gospel values, made me realize that it is possible for Filipino families today to experience “conversion” despite all the odds that our families are experiencing today considering the consumerism and the high-tech culture that our society is embracing.

I’m thinking how come those couples and families attained such a lifestyle? (Couples/families who gave moving testimonies of the presence of God in their lives and how it changed them)  What inspired them to change and embrace the Gospel values?  Somehow along the way, there must be something that convinced them to push away all those that run counter to what they believe and hold true.  It must be God.  Their experiences of God in their families inspired them to change and concretized their faith in their ordinary day-to-day life.  No doubt they experienced authentic love through their caring for each member of their families.  I am amazed by the way these parents treat their children.  Their children received real love, respect and appreciation of who they are from their parents.  I envy them in a way.

The values that I heard from the couples and families who gave testimonies are the ones that were not truly observed in my family.  Though we were given what we needed and provided the education to equip us into a better person, the values of love, real care and respect were not fully observed or shall I say these values were not fully experienced by us as children.  My father died twelve years ago and left us memories of bitterness, resentment and perhaps anger.   My father’s way of dealing with us was top-down authority.  He projected an image of a punitive and violent father.  I and my siblings received blows from him physically.  Even my mother was not spared.  When we were young, we often saw them quarrel and hurt each other physically.  My father of course was strong and my mother usually ends up crying in one corner with bruises in her body.  My father was a stereotype Filipino male and father.  For him as long as he provides us everything, it’s enough.  He was not affectionate and we feared him.

My image of God then was different.  For me, God was punitive, authoritarian, and my belief of God was one of reward and punishment.  There was no deep relationship between me and my God.  I go to Church every Sunday and that’s enough.  But things have changed now.  The inadequate love that I received from my father and my family members was compensated by the love I received from other people.  I believe that it was God’s way of healing my own woundedness.   I have many experiences in life that concretized this.  God is still active in my life today through my experiences.  One very significant example is my studies in CEFAM (Center for Family Ministries) at the present.  God’s love heals.  I can see myself now in a broader perspective unlike before where there were more hurts and blaming.  I realized I don’t have to live in the past.  The regrets of yesterday belong to yesterday.  NOW is more important.  I have forgiven my father.  He cannot give what he doesn’t have.  What I have now is my life and I’m going to spend it in the way of love…